He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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