I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
