I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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