I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
