woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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