flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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