Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
What a dumb baby whore.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
