I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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