Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
