Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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