I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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