Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
