I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
