I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
