I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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