all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
