I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
