Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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