We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
