worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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