He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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