I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
