i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
