There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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