i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
