i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
