I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
