Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
