She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
