Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
