I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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