oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
