Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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