Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
