he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
