it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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