her facebook's as public as her vagina
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
