What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
