My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
