dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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