I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
