She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It's never too late to be topless.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
