i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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