He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Randomize
