the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
