I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
