If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Randomize
