i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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