WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
