I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
