Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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