Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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