Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
